the magic is gone

i need to say something about my life, but i’m not sure what or where to start. life is still very frustrating. i still don’t understand boys. perhaps i should just go through the list…

l: decided to im me the day after thanxgiving – to wish me a happy thanksgiving. talked for like 2 seconds until i decided i needed to get drunk. i don’t want to talk to him – i guess that’s new for me. i need to move on and quite frankly, if we can’t have a real friendship, i don’t want a stupid superficial one. and what is he doing thinking a/b me during holidays anyways? wasn’t it over thanxgiving that he realized he was still in love w/his ex anyways?

luke: still lives across the hall, still not sure why he’s with anya. but i don’t care anymore so i guess it’s all good on that front.

anthony: boy i met in croatia. really cute, claimed he liked me. actually texted me, probably so he didn’t feel bad for not calling me. i decided i wanted to make this one actually work – stupid me. sent me a text 1 am wednesday morning saying he lied to me a/b being 23, he’s actually 20. i believe his exact wording of the txt was: ‘Ok something about me.I lied to you,am 20 not 23,i like few years older girls than i am,me and Bozo have a club in Orasac,place where i live,i play guitar and am very good at,i had a lot of girls but only 2,3 real girlfriends i loved,my ex girlfriend was 26, i lost my verginity when i was 13,am a very good cooker,i now lots about computers and of course like to go out with my friends when ever i can,i worked as a dj in my club for a year and i dont know these are the basic stuffs about me,maybe i told you some stuffs i shouldnt but i want to be honest to you”

Okay, where do I start with this? If he wants to be honest, why did he lie in the first place? Why won’t he respond to my texts since then? And am I okay with a guy who lies to me? Okay, I know the answer to that one but he is cute, and I do want a boyfriend. I wish he would respond so we could figure this out. If he really does ‘want to be honest to me’, why won’t he contact me so we could work this out??? *sigh*

Leidein issues: I decided to stay for the rest of the year, got it cleared from my firm if I can pull of being at Georgetown and graduating on time, but I’m not entirely sure I can. People have sent me e-mails saying they’re glad I’ll be back, but I don’t know how accurate that is…and I’m not sure what to do about my life here. Cat is kinda driving me up the wall a/b Nick, I just don’t understand Nick at all, and people in general need to go away. I think I need another vacation by myself…without falling or wanting to fall for another cute boy.

Why is it so god damned difficult to find someone who likes me, isn’t afraid to admit it, and is a plain, simple good guy?